Caesar X Reader: Gas Jokes

“Euuuughhhh im borrrrreedddddd.” You whined, stretching yourself out on the mini bar’s counter in a frustrated state.

Monet sat at one end of the counter, reading though her book as per usual, and Caesar was just sitting on the couch, having just finished creating yet another dangerous chemical in his lab and now taking his well-earned break.

“_______, you look rather bored. Are you sure you aren’t going to die?” Monet asked, intending to be a smart ass.

“I just said thatttttt. I think I will die if something fun doesn’t happen! It’s been like this for DAYS. Just that friggin ball of GAS, HOVERING AROUND, making shit in his damn LAB.” You emphasised, trying to get the attention of the said man of gas.

Clear that it was him being talked about, Caesar turned around in his seat on the couch and glared at you over the back of it. “Do you have a PROBLEM? I’m doing work, unlike YOU.” He retorted with a stiff glare.

“Yes, I do! Because I did work already, and my legs frickin HURT. Now there’s nothing left to do! You’re lucky enough to not have to deal with leg pains since you just FLOAT everywhere.” You grumbled, rolling off the counter and onto three of the stools, gripping the one your head lay on for comfort.

“Quit complaining, or I’ll dispose of you.” Caesar threatened, narrowing his eyes.

“Tch, you wouldn’t dare. I’m too fabulous for that.” You said casually, waving off the threat like it was nothing. You knew he wouldn’t even get close to doing such a thing. He needed you, and knowing this, brought a grin to your face as you pulled yourself upright and sat properly on one of the stools.

“Fabulous my ass. That about as fabulous as you’ll ever get. An ass.” Caesar mumbled, turning around while rolling his eyes.

“Ooo, so funny today aren’t we?” You said. “Two can play the joking game. Now… to come up with something snappy…” You said quietly so Caesar wouldn’t hear your plots.

Monet drew her attention from her book for only a moment with a small smile on her face as she leaned in your direction. “Caesar is a living ball of gas. It can’t be hard to make a few insulting jokes about someone like that~!” She hinted, winking one of her eyes before looking back down in her book as if nothing happened.

Now feeling a few sparks of ideas, a large grin made its way across your face as the first few insulting ‘gas jokes’ that came into your mind.

Crossing your legs in a dignified manner, you crossed your arms across your chest as well while a devious smirk played on your lips.

“Tisk tisk Caesar. That’s not a very nice comment coming from the only state of matter that lacks the fabulous form.”

He turned around and stared at you with a confused expression. It took him a while to realize that you were insulting him, and further to that, you were insulting his form, meaning he can’t keep himself organized and together. This ever so slightly pissed him off, as insulting Caesar, is like poking a dog with a burnt stick continuously. A straight up invitation to hell for the average person.

“_______, watch how you speak to your MASTER.” He growled.

“Ooo, since when did I become the dog of a fucking cloud?” You added.

“_______...” He grumbled, narrowing his eyes angrily.

“You know, I bet from across the room, some kid could mistake you for cotton candy. Oh, but you would be more bitter, than sweet, hmmm?” You said, putting a finger to your lips innocently.

Your insulting jokes were weak, but they plucked at Caesar a certain way, even though they were complete weak sauce.

The gas around Caesar flowed angrily at the hood of his jacket, matching his expression of anger and frustration.

“Are you TRYING to piss me off?” He asked through gritted teeth, screwing up his face with a large frown.

You officially weren’t listening to him anymore, as an insult you called hilariously genius popped into your devious little mind. Monet quietly closed her book and slipped off the stool, silently leaving the room undetected, sensing Caesar’s anger in the room as she left with a small laugh, neither of you noticing at all.

“Oh my god I’ve got to know what that smell is! Hmm, it must be that walking FART over there!” You said, waving your hand n front of your face as if there really was a smell.

Caesar began steaming. Literally.

“I wonder if you actually DID fart, would you just explode? Considering you control gas… what if you thought of methane and just… FOOSH!” You emphasized, doing a motion with your hands, soon breaking down into a fit of giggles, falling off the stool and onto the floor, holding your sides and slapping the floor as you laughed.

Caesar’s face became red from the many embarrassing insults thrown at him from you, quickly becoming flushed as he gripped the couch tightly. Then, without warning, he launched himself over the back of the couch and at you, puffing mad as he landed himself on top of you, pinning you between him and the bar counter with his hands on either side of your head.

“You are REALLY pissing me off _______!” He growled, pressing his face closer to yours.

You paused for a moment, your smile dropping for a moment as you poker-faced at Caesar, forming a small ‘o’ shaped mouth with wide, curious, and cute eyes.

You sputtered a bit of laughter before the smile returned to your face. “You look so fucking CUTE when you’re pissed off~!” You cooed, noticing his blush. “And that WASN’T a joke.” You added, grabbing Caesar by his jacked and pulling him down on top of you and bringing his lips into yours.

Well that escalated quickly. Caesar’s eyes widened at your actions, and he fumbled to keep his grip on the wall. So much for his threatening aura that he tried to give off. All that melted away with your sudden kiss. His blush was far more prominent than yours would ever be, that is, until his grip on the wall was lost and he was forced down a little more, accidentally deepening the kiss.

He tried to pick himself up a bit to a less awkward position, but he ended up  hitching his hand on your waist and just pulled the both of you even closer together. This did cause you to finally blush a bit, but you couldn’t help but smile a bit. He became a complete fumbling mess at your hands, switching from anger to embarrassment. A master and his bitch, what a lovely connection.

You pulled away from him for a moment, a stupid grin present on your face. “Who’s the real master now, gas boy~?” You teased.

A frown came back to his face, but it was more of a pouty one instead, blush still present. “Me, you insulting little shit.” He replied, taking back the kiss himself suddenly, tightening his grip on your waist and pulling you in close, taking control himself this time.

You giggled slightly as he pulled you back. This was a whole other side of Caesar that you thought you’d never see, but now you were, and it was a bit funny too. Trying to take charge like the leader he is, but this only put you in the winning position. You secretly wanted this, and the way it played out was perfect for your sense of humour. You overrode his confidence with your own actions, and thus made him act in your favour. Though he did seem to want to do it himself too, so bonus points on both of your behalf’s. Playing around a bit, you moved your arms up and around his neck, entangling your fingers in his thick, black, dark as night hair, hanging yourself there in the kiss while he held you surprisingly close.

After a few more moments, you parted from each other. Staring at one another with mixed expressions.

“Good move, but who’s the real winner here~?” You asked, trying to be an asshole again.

He grunted at you and pressed his forehead to yours. “Don’t push it.” He said.

You just laughed again. “You took those jokes SO well! ‘Fart cloud.’” You mimicked.

“You’re a little shit.” He said. “But I guess I don’t mind it that much. It’s you I’m dealing with.”

“Ooo~! Someone’s showing weakness~! What happened to the almighty master?” You teased.

“I’ll tell you what happened.” He started. “The almighty master cloud in the gaseous state of matter, will be off commanding you in the master bedroom, tasting bitter and sweet, with emergency air fresheners just outside the door.” He said with a grin and a high implication of something.

You blushed, knowing what he meant. “W-well then! We’ll see how your plan plays out.” You replied, a slight hint of resistance in your voice to piss him off. "Won’t be successful like mine.”

“Oh, we’ll see alright. You and your ‘gas jokes.’” He said once more with his wide and mischievous grin.